Impulses and Choices
by FWvidChick
Summary: This One-Shot fic is about the last scene of Prophecy between Clois and the thoughts and feelings of Lois in that scene.


**Theme: **Sadness/heartbreak  
><strong>Spoiler: <strong>Read at your own risk. This fic is for a scene from **Prophecy. **  
><strong>About this fic:<br>**  
>Despite the sadness of the final Clois scene in Prophecy i loved the moment, for me it had been coming and it made sense that everything of that day had caused it. This is about how I feel Lois was thinking and feeling.<p>

The ep wasn't 100% perfect, but for myself, I really liked it and cant wait to find out how Clark gets her back.

* * *

><p>That morning she had felt alive, busy but alive, ready to take on anything.<p>

Now she felt hollow, guilty, and not sure if she could face any of it.

_"Maybe Jor-El wanted me to know what it felt like to be you..."_

Oh, she learned and because of it, nothing could ever be the same. She had been unable to get the voices out of her head, the cries for help, the need of others for Clark, for the blur. At first, she had simply used the power to get ahead in her overwhelming schedule, which really hurt no one. Then the impulse to help had come in, to know that if it was Clark out there, he'd have stopped, so shouldn't she? Besides, to be aware there was a flood or a robbery and not do anything wasn't in her nature. Normally, it would have meant her getting into trouble, possibly way over her head, but with Clark's power, she didn't need to be saved - she could save others.

"_We're as bullet proof as your...my skin."  
><em>  
>Fated words. Bullet proof but not invincible, a revelation that hurt. Not only was Clark her weakness, but she was reminded that she was his. And neither immune to the love between them, love that could drag them both down.<p>

"_See Lois, you are his greatest weakness, or should I say the blur''s greatest weakness...your death will break him."_

She had fled then, not wanting to be that weakness, not wanting to hold him back. To sacrifice what she wanted, needed, so he could do what he was destined to do. It had felt right and though it had hurt, she had been resolved to it. For Clark's sake.

"_What if you're exactly the thing that might help him be the person you know he can be? What if you're the one who makes his burden easier to bear?"_

Was she? When she first came back from Africa she had thought, "_I'll help, but I won't get to attached"_. But then she got weak. He had stood there in the barn, handsome and confident.

"_Lois get over here,"_ and she melted, she forgot all the plans to just be his friend.

"_When it comes to big secrets, I'm not exactly Mata Hari. I could blow it all for him."_

In the end, it wasn't her knowing his secret that would blow it, it was her...her weakness for him, his for her. She had faced Winslow with the intent of answers, a bravado knowing she couldn't show weakness, not expecting him to know Clark's secret or for Clark to be in danger. The bravado had been replaced by fear and in that fear she had made a choice on impulse. Glancing at her watch, knowing the power would be transferred soon. It was a gamble, but she had faith in Clark to overcome her, even if she feared him being attacked by others. It had felt like the right choice at the time.

"_With every great relationship, Lois, comes a great burden and the strength to carry it."_

Strength. She had assumed and thought she had that strength. She had waited three weeks for his return, holding on to hope and every last bit of strength in her. Then that night, after they had talked, they had made love and she had felt complete, like they were invulnerable. But in light of her blaring weaknesses, of his choices, of the fact she knew keeping him to herself was selfish, how could being with him be strength?

She was impulsive. It was her impulses that put her in this position. How could that be good for him? Could she really sit by and be with him when he was needed? The guilt was overwhelming, only out done by the breaking of her heart.

There was one last bit of strength in her, to do what she knew needed to be done. To let him go.

**"**_**You're not my weakness, you are my strength. Okay?"**  
><em>  
>Clark with his big heart, with his words that any other day would have healed her heart. But not now.<p>

Looking into his eyes, she knew how much he loved her, how much he meant every word he said. He did not see what he really needed.

She could not be selfish. He would move on, she had to hope he would, he was stronger then her, had a better heart. Clark Kent did not need Lois to be a hero, she would not be his kryptonite.

"_**I'm sorry, Clark." **_Words spoken from a broken heart, more pain when her eyes caught his. She told herself again that he was strong enough.

"_I'm stronger when you're around anyway."_

_No, Clark you're not. _She knew this, today was proof. She was impulse and he was choice. Lois Lane could not have her Smallville...her home at the expense of the world, of the hero they needed.

"_**I can't marry you."**_

In that moment, as the last of her heart crumbled and she saw in his eyes his fell apart too, she told herself that no matter what he said, she could not give in. Clark had a destiny that went beyond her.

He did as he always did, when she laid her head upon his chest, his arms went about her. He held her, though she knew she had hurt him. Once again, he proved he was the better one, the one strong enough; she did not even have the strength to look at his face a moment longer.

She was impulse and weakness. He was choices and strength.

•/•

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